He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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