my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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