we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize