Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
