im about as happy as oj after his trial
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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