Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
We need to rekindle our bromance
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
