I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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