You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
