We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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