He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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