I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
