I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
two words: eviction party
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
