I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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