If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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