I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
