Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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