Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
