They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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