Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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