I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
