I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
