I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
PANTIES FOUND
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
