He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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