someone threw a dead crab at me
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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