so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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