So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
