I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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