Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
