the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
