we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
