bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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