Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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