bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I think I died a long time ago.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
