mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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