Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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