My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
