Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
