yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
