coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
