I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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