The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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