9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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