went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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