I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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