pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
