Is it because I queefed?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
