I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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