found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
third nipple confirmed
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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