Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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