Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
