apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
